Company Taglines and What They Actually Mean, Part II
VRBO
Tagline: “Where Families Travel Better Together.”
Reality: “We help you pay more for your lodging than if you’d just booked a hotel, and you’re definitely going to need a vacation after this vacation”
M&Ms
Tagline: “Melts In Your Mouth, Not In Your Hand.”
Reality: “Our candy is so full of chemicals it won’t ever melt in your hand.”
Allstate
Tagline: “You’re in Good Hands With Allstate.”
Reality: “We’re good at making promises we can’t keep.”
Verizon
Tagline: “5G Built Right.”
Reality: “We’ll build it right into our overpriced bills—but don’t expect actual 5G coverage in your area.”
The New York Times
Tagline: “All the News That’s Fit to Print.”
Reality: “We’ll decide what news is fit for you to read—and we’ll make sure to tell it to you with our own biases.”
General Electric
Tagline: “Imagination at Work.”
Reality: “We’ve been imagining new ways to sell you the same old stuff since the 1800s.”
Samsung
Tagline: “Inspire the world, create the future."
Reality: “Copy everything Apple does as much as possible.”
HP
Tagline: “Keep reinventing”
Reality: “We keep changing our name and business model to try and stay relevant, but we’re not really sure what we’re good at.”
Oracle
Tagline: “Unleash innovation with the world’s #1 cloud database.”
Reality: “Our cloud database is the best, even if nobody knows what a cloud database really is.”
YouTube
Tagline: “Broadcast Yourself”
Reality: “Upload your life to our platform and pray it doesn’t get lost in a sea of cat videos”
Tagline: “What’s happening?”
Reality: “Seriously, WTF is happening to our company?”
